Amazingly, No Food Was Taken In the Robbery

That would be the robbery of a Papa John's Pizza in Cherryville, NC.

I made the crack about the food because of the surveillance footage taken of the two robbers:

"If Anyone Tries To Stop Us...SQUASH THEM!"

Not to put too fine a point on it, being a fat man myself, but that boy needs to buy a set of bib overalls, change his name to Haystacks*, and get a job in the WWE.