Friday, September 12, 2014

Other Civil War Cars (WBTS, For You Unreconstruced Fellers, You Know Who You Are) ;)

Everyone is familiar with the General Lee, of course, since it was on TV. The General Lee was never the same after that race in Pennsylvania; tried its very best, but it was a Lost Cause from the very start.

There were other cars, though; I had one named the General Thomas J. Jackson; I was tooling around in it late one night, maybe a little bit too fast, and I reached over to grab a lemon to suck on, missed a curve and totaled it against a stone wall.

I had another car named the General James Ewell Brown (JEB) Stuart; loaned that one to my nephew one afternoon; "Don't be gone long," I said; he disappeared on some long-assed trip and didn't show up until way after I was supposed to be at work.

I briefly considered the General Joseph E. Johnston, but that one would only go in reverse...

Then there was the General Braxton Bragg that I owned briefly; that was one sorry-assed car, I cussed it on a regular basis. Hated that car.

Briefly owned a car named the General George Pickett; yes, it was a Charger...

Bought one named the General Edmund Kirby Smith; was pretty good at first, so I took it on a long road trip out west. When I crossed the Mississippi it quit on me, wouldn't start after that. Far as I know it's still over there.

The General Nathan Bedford Forrest I found in a barn, under a white sheet...

Had a car named the General George B. McLellan; ran that one in a drag race, it lost to a Lincoln.

While I was at the drag races I saw one named the General Ulysses S. Grant; wasn't much to look at, but it wouldn't quit. That one ran on alcohol.

I bought a car named the General William Tecumseh Sherman in Chattanooga; when I got to Atlanta the brakes failed and and the accelerator stuck, and I didn't get the damned thing under control until nearly Savannah. The Georgia Highway Patrol didn't much care for my excuses, either. That whole trip was something of a bummer.

The General John Bell Hood I pretty much ran to pieces, wasn't much left of it when I finally traded it.


If any of you can think of any more, let me know in comments.

©Robert G. Evans 12 September 2014, all rights reserved.

8 comments:

Rev. Paul said...

Now that's funny, right there - I don't care who y'are.

Well done, old son!

Murphy's Law said...

OK, those are great. You win the internet today.

juvat said...

I had a car named General Fightin' Joe Hooker. Great for picking up chicks!

Brock Townsend said...

Cute. :)

James said...

Well I had a quarter horse once I named Gen Jubal Early, does that count?

Old NFO said...

I would but I'm laughing too damn hard... GREAT ones! :-D

Bob said...

Thanks, everyone!

70f1a2d2-408e-11e4-80a9-e3e3cadda41b said...

Pretty good. Reminds me of a car I had called the General Leonidas K. Polk.

It was slow and cantankerous and oddly enough, it ran best on Sundays. General Polk never worked very well; in order to get it started it took a lot of effort and prayer.