New Wheels

Yet another Nissan Sentra. My last two cars were Sentras (1987 and 1993), this new 2015 makes the third:

Sorry, Lassie, If It Comes Down To Me Or You...

...you're gonna die.

"Killingsworth Pest Control Under Fire For Telling Employees To Run Over Stray Dogs."

I understand what this man is saying, and I agree with it. There are times when you are driving that you can be killed if you swerve or brake to avoid hitting an animal. Over on the coast near Southport, NC, is a country road with deep drainage canals on either side of the road - - to swerve off the road means your car will go into the water and sink, and you'll very likely die. On that road one evening I cautioned my girlfriend, who was driving, about the necessity of hitting an animal in that situation rather than swerving and going into the ditches. "If it's a choice between Bambi and the ditch, Bambi has to die," I told her. Sure enough, just a few minutes later Rocky Raccoon ran into the road - - the car ahead of us hit Rocky, and, to her credit, so did my girlfriend.

Does this mean that you callously hit any stray dog in the road? Not at all. But if you're driving and an animal enters the road and the only option is to hit it to avoid the possibility of death to the driver and passengers, the animal must be hit.

Not My Year So Far

Sorry for the absence. I spent last week at the hotel while my car was being worked on - - or not worked on, mostly, the majority of the week it was just waiting to be worked on, and I didn't feel up to posting anything. 2015 was going to be The Year I Acquired A New Car (or newer than 1993, anyway), funded by my tax refund and a little bit of savings, but my old car isn't cooperating in the plan, and wants me to spend it all on itself, instead. And now a tooth is making distressing twinges in my mouth, so that will have to be addressed, as well. Living paycheck to paycheck is biting me in the ass so far in 2015.

Other Civil War Cars (WBTS, For You Unreconstruced Fellers, You Know Who You Are) ;)

Everyone is familiar with the General Lee, of course, since it was on TV. The General Lee was never the same after that race in Pennsylvania; tried its very best, but it was a Lost Cause from the very start.

There were other cars, though; I had one named the General Thomas J. Jackson; I was tooling around in it late one night, maybe a little bit too fast, and I reached over to grab a lemon to suck on, missed a curve and totaled it against a stone wall.

I had another car named the General James Ewell Brown (JEB) Stuart; loaned that one to my nephew one afternoon; "Don't be gone long," I said; he disappeared on some long-assed trip and didn't show up until way after I was supposed to be at work.

I briefly considered the General Joseph E. Johnston, but that one would only go in reverse...

Then there was the General Braxton Bragg that I owned briefly; that was one sorry-assed car, I cussed it on a regular basis. Hated that car.

Briefly owned a car named the General George Pickett; yes, it was a Charger...

Bought one named the General Edmund Kirby Smith; was pretty good at first, so I took it on a long road trip out west. When I crossed the Mississippi it quit on me, wouldn't start after that. Far as I know it's still over there.

The General Nathan Bedford Forrest I found in a barn, under a white sheet...

Had a car named the General George B. McLellan; ran that one in a drag race, it lost to a Lincoln.

While I was at the drag races I saw one named the General Ulysses S. Grant; wasn't much to look at, but it wouldn't quit. That one ran on alcohol.

I bought a car named the General William Tecumseh Sherman in Chattanooga; when I got to Atlanta the brakes failed and and the accelerator stuck, and I didn't get the damned thing under control until nearly Savannah. The Georgia Highway Patrol didn't much care for my excuses, either. That whole trip was something of a bummer.

The General John Bell Hood I pretty much ran to pieces, wasn't much left of it when I finally traded it.


If any of you can think of any more, let me know in comments.

©Robert G. Evans 12 September 2014, all rights reserved.

Carjacker Deterrant

Drive a car with standard shift.

It's looking more and more like most of those dummies can't drive a standard shift car. And they might just conveniently put their gun down while they try to work three pedals and a shifter.

Arrival

My new ride:

Only 40,000 miles on it. Since it's basically painted in Confederate grey, I think I'll name it The General Joseph E. Johnston (General Lee was already taken, obviously). Some might ask, given the inclinations of this blog, why I didn't name it after Nathan Bedford Forrest? I thought for once I'd try to show a little subtlety, and Johnston was a much-misunderstood and unappreciated Confederate leader. You can read about him in Wikipedia, for a start.

Car Design Inspired By...Cooters?

Turtles, to you city folks:

3D printing has been used to make everything from toys and plaster casts to parts for jet engines.

And now one German automotive company has unveiled a revolutionary conceptual car body that it claims will only be made possible by using what is termed as 'additive manufacturing' or large-scale 3D printing.

The internal structure is inspired by the shape of a turtle skeleton and is designed so that it will provide incredible protection and cushioning, just like the animal’s shell.

They can call it the Porsche Cooter! Cooter Cars! Volkswagen can make one, they can call it the Cooter Pooper!

The Newest Entry Into the "Fast & Furious" Movie Franchise Is...

...Small and Spurious.


Ten-year-old boy who claimed he was a dwarf after police saw him driving his parents' car is caught AGAIN after taking another car.

Norwegian boy, 10, took his aunt's car for a 20 mile joyride

This the second time in under two weeks the boy has 'stolen' a car

Previously caught having driven 7miles with his baby sister in the back

Told police he was a dwarf who forgot his driver's licence

Hey, it could work. Is Hervé Villechaize still alive? No? What about the Mini-Me guy? *makes phone with hand* Call me.

Car Update

Two alternators and a radiator later I'm back on the road *knock on wood*. Apparently there was a pinhole in the radiator spraying fluid into the alternator; I don't know if it was what caused the original alternator to fail, or if my nephew punctured it when he replaced the alternator the first time. The pinhole was discovered by the neighbor mechanic, who owns a shop down the road. He gave me the neighbor's labor charge of $100, bless him. Combined with $100 to pay for the new radiator and $100 to pay for a new battery, I've spent $400 on the car in the last month. Had to pawn a pistol to pay for today's work; I'll redeem the pawn two weeks from now.

Apologies For Light Posting

Been busy since last Thursday with car problems; easy enough to fix when you have money, not so much when you don't. A new battery and a new alternator later, I might be back to the status quo ante. So much for buying a new lawnmower and other lawn care products this month.

Wouldn't Mind Having One Myself

A Citroën 2CV, to be specific.

A man in UK is making a tidy sum with a factory to refurbish junk 2CV's and re-sell them, often back to France, their country of origin. A junked 2CV purchased from a junkyard for £300 can, when refurbished, sell for £11,000 or higher.

Good profit for a car that was often thought of as an ugly duckling. They were easy to maintain and cheap, though, making them the French equivalent of the Volkswagen Beetle, and popular for the same reason.

Here's a pic, if you're not familiar with them:

Click the link for more pics. They were easy to turn into small trucks, and I saw a lot of them in Spain when I lived there in the mid-1980's.

This Car Has An Extra Pedal

Robbers in my hometown of Gainesville, Florida, were unable to make a getaway after they discovered that the car they had stolen had a manual transmission.

Shows how far we've come in the name of convenience when driving.

Live Fast, Die Young

He ignored his wake-up call:

A 17-year-old who died Friday in a head-on collision after fleeing from an officer had his license revoked only hours earlier on a speeding charge, Concord police said Sunday.

Joshua Mark Stanish lived in northern Charlotte, near the Highland Creek Golf Club. His Mitsubishi Gallant collided with two other vehicles at about 10:20 p.m. Friday, injuring four others.

Concord police said Stanish was first pulled over by a state trooper about 5:20 p.m. Friday, on N.C. 49, near the Cabarrus Events Arena.

He was arrested and charged with speeding 85 mph in a 55 mph zone and reckless driving. Stanish went before a magistrate, who revoked his license.

Only five hours later, a Concord police officer tried to stop Stanish for unspecified traffic violations near Derita Road and Concord Mills Boulevard. Stanish’s home was less than two miles away. Police say he fled and struck two other vehicles less than a mile away on Cox Mill Road near Edenbury Lane.

Stanish died at the scene. He was the only occupant of his car.

What a waste.

Dying So Bambi Might Live

"Driver swerves to avoid deer, dies in wreck."

A 19-year-old Kershaw man died after a crash Saturday morning on Taxahaw Road, five miles north of Jefferson in Lancaster County, according to the S.C. highway patrol.

The driver, whose name had not been released Saturday evening, was going east on North Taxahaw Road. He swerved the 1998 Honda four-door to avoid a deer and struck a utility pole, Trooper Scot Edgeworth said.

19 years old, and presumably he was never taught how to properly deal with Bambi, Thumper, and Rocky Raccoon and the rest of the critters waiting to scamper out into the road just as you're coming along at a high rate of speed.

A few years ago I was driving with my friend Sara here in rural North Carolina after dark, and the subject came up. "What do you do when a critter runs out in front of you?" I asked. "Well, I brake or swerve to avoid it," she answered. "No, wrong answer," I replied. "If you're going over 35 miles an hour, you won't have time to either brake or swerve away safely, because with typical car headlights you won't see the critter in time. And if you do swerve in a place like this (it was down by the coast, with drainage canals and swamp on either side) you'll go into the water and drown. What you do is, you let Bambi die. Your life is worth more than Bambi's, so take your foot off the gas if you can, but keep the wheels straight and hit that animal." We discussed it a little more, but the point was made.

And just in time, too; a while later, going back to our hotel along the same road, a raccoon scampered out in onto the road in front of the car ahead of us, which hit it; Rocky, screaming in agony, died as Sara followed my instructions to the letter and hit him herself rather than swerve off the road (I confess that I myself screamed like a girl when our tires went over Rocky).

If you value your own life, Bambi has to die. Or Thumper the rabbit, or Rocky Raccoon. If it's at night and you're traveling over 35mph and a critter is in the road, kill it. Don't let it kill you.

I Wonder If It Was A '58 Plymouth Fury?

"Car strikes gate outside Stephen King's Maine home."

Cross a Citroën 2CV and a Ferrari...

...and you get a bread truck that can go 180mph.



For when you absolutely need that hot bread now.