Two Gays and a Goat

"The one gay guy fell out, he's back at the hotel room sick as a dog. Other gay guy's here with the goat."

(Karen, watching QVC sell "goat milk" products including a "wooden massager," a baby goat is on the set, along with a salesman, presumably gay)

Jack Russell Got Nougats

"That damned Jack Russell they have still has nougats. When I went over there, first thing it did was go over to my car and hike its leg on my car tire."

"Well, if you neuter them the still hike their leg up when they pee."

"Jack Russell don't need nougats!"

Big Ol' Dinosaur Teeth!

"Look at that kid shoot a hole-in-one in front of Tiger Woods! Look at them big ol' snaggle teeth! He's got big ol' dinosaur teeth!"

White...Um...Well, NOT White Privilege

"Oh, it's a parti-colored Cocker. Let's see if it has a white asshole, too. All of these Cockers have white assholes!" - - my sister Karen, watching the Westminster Dog Show.

A WHAT On His Head?

Sister just got home, turned on the news, and announced "What's Cam Newton doing with that condom on his head?"

3rd Level Habib

We're experiencing problems with our cable and internet, and of course we're having to navigate Time Warner Cable's troubleshooting protocols; as my sister says, we are at the 3rd level Habib of customer service.

Shit Sister Says

"That's what you need to do, lady, buy a $100 pillow for your afflicted son."

Sh*t Sister Says, Redux

"She's wearing pink all over and screaming like a Banshee." - - spoken of Victoria Azerenka, currently facing Serena Williams in the U.S. Open women's tennis final.

Pre-Dawn Musings

It's foggy this morning here in the Charlotte area. The air is still and moist as I step out onto the back porch while the dog goes about her business. Over in the bushes a catbird squalls. It's not cool yet here in the first week of September, although a cold front approaching promises cooler weather in the next couple of days.

Summer lingers. The lawn needs mowing, but is so wet from the frequent rain that it's a chore to cut, and seems to spring back up almost overnight. The neighbors to one side of us seem to have surrendered to the grass and are apparently waiting for fall to take care of it. They're transplants from Pennsylvania with a Pittsburg Steelers banner displayed from a pole on their front porch. My sister refers to them as Yo Gabba Gabba and Yo Gabba Mama.

The quiet here in this new neighborhood is pronounced compared to our old house, sited on a main road. No tractor-trailers shake this house, as they did the old one. Going out to the mailbox isn't a case of taking your life into your hands here, and it's unlikely the mailbox will be knocked over by careless motorists as the one at the old place was more than once. And no, no one ever had the common human courtesy to stop, apologize or even leave a note; hit and run, and a murdered mailbox lying in the grass to be replaced.

Hurry up, fall. Summer's been miserable.

Shit My Sister Says

Karen, who sells auto parts for "the green team," was interviewing for a job with the competing "red team." She told me that the interviewer was mildly, although not profoundly, cross-eyed. Karen is ASC-certified and has been selling parts for over ten years now, so she knows her shit. Her current job at "the green team" is the commercial desk, which means taking care of the needs of local repair shops/garages. She had specified interest in commercial work when she applied with "the red team."

Well, the interviewer told Karen that he thought that she "wouldn't be a good fit" for The Red Team's commercial side, and instead offered her a position in retail sales, that of assistant manager: the one who works all the hours without getting any overtime pay for the privilege. Karen rejected it as soon as he offered it, which startled him.

"It was obvious we didn't see eye-to-eye," she said. "Of course, with him nobody can," she added.