Pope Francis Provokes Apocalypse

According to Drudge, anyway:

RAGNAROK On Saturday

Best pick up some extra ammo and beer.

Mayan Apocalypse, Entry #8 (Final Entry)

I woke up a couple of hours ago. I appear to have survived the Mayan Apocalypse.

I wonder what the next cockamamie end-of-world scenario will be? And how soon it will be predicted for?*

One thing that you can confidently predict: Every generation has the conceit to convince itself that the End Times will occur during its lifetime. It's been the case since humans developed beyond the hungry wanna eat/thirsty wanna drink/horny wanna fuck stage (which, sadly, some never grew out of).

*Update: January 1, 2017. Told you so.

Mayan Apocalypse, Entry #7

Going to bed.

Now I lay me down to sleep
I pray the Lord my soul to keep.
If Mayannaised before I wake
I pray the Lord my soul to take. Amen.

Mayan Apocalypse, Entry #6

Pizza on the way from Pizza Hut. Hope I don't get Mayannaised before it gets here.

Mayan Apocalypse, Entry #5

I'm starting to feel cautiously optimistic that we won't become Mayannaise. Don't want to get too cocky, however.

Mayan Apocalypse, Entry #4

Walked the dog, ate lunch. Cold and very windy outside, but the sky a lovely blue. Still not Mayannaised.

Mayan Apocalaypse, Entry #2

Still not Mayanaised. Time 9:22 EDT.

Mayan Apocalypse, Entry #1

Woke up alive. So far so good. I'll update regularly throughout the next couple of days. If the updates stop, you'll know that I'm Mayannaise.

Grumpy Cat's Modest Proposal

Is Another Crusade...

...inevitable?

Hell, we don't even have to muster armies, anymore. Just paint Deus Vult! on some ICBM's and send them on their way.

Zombie Math

Seems like most of you watched the season premiere of The Walking Dead, One of the questions I keep seeing is How come they don't have any guns? Why don't they just bust into a gun shop?

Ok, let's use Charlotte, NC for our arithmetic example. Let's estimate that, if you total all the guns available in Charlotte gun shops, pawn shops and sporting goods stores, that you end up with a total of 10,000 firearms. Presume that the merchants didn't sell any of them during the zombification crisis, just left them in the stores for survivors (*rolls eyes*)

Charlotte has a population of 731,424 people. If the zombie plague carried off 90% of the population (and good riddance to a lot of them, frankly) that leaves 73,143 people who'd probably like to have a gun or two. Or three. And lots of ammunition, too.

Do the math. A lot of people will be left without guns.

Yeah, you say, but lots of houses have guns in them, probably. They should just go house to house and look for guns.

Yes, that's true, a lot of houses will have guns in them. They'll also have zombies in them, around them, near them. Clearing and securing houses is dangerous enough when you have guns and can shoot at will, but when you're creeping around quietly trying not to draw the attention of the zombies, it becomes a nightmare. Here at the start of season 2, the survivors in Rick's group only have six able-bodied men to do this house-clearing, with only two of them trained in police work such as house-clearing. After three or four houses there will probably be a couple of casualties, men bitten by zombies or accidentally shot/killed by comrades.

Thus the wisdom of being prepared in advance of the disaster. After the disaster is too late.

Fool Me Once...

...shame on you.

Of course, the "me" is just by courtesy, since probably 99% of us weren't fooled.

Too bad that tarring and feathering went out of fashion.

Pizzly? Grolar Bear?

Up in Canada, Global Warming is causing havoc with the local bear population.

And you know what that means:

Apocalyptic Post of the Day

In the Depression of 2009, when pawn shops outnumbered Starbucks...



Daddy, I want to be a pawnbroker when I grow up!

Sign of the Apocalypse

In that terrible year of 2009, when the stock markets tanked, and placentas were discovered floating in sewers...

First They Came For The Fat People...

...and I was at the top of the list.

LONDON, May 17 (UPI) -- Some British experts say fat people are contributing to global warming more than those who are thin because they require more food and fuel.

London School of Hygiene & Tropical Medicine scientists said the transportation and food costs of obese people are contributing to increasing energy prices and food defects.

Wish my tax rebate check would show up, so I can buy a rifle and more ammunition, I guess I'll need it when the Fat Nazis arrive to take me away.

Enviro-Scientists Discover Nitrogen, Panic

Nitrogen: the new Carbon Dioxide?

Relax. At worst it will form Nitrous Oxide in the atmosphere and we'll all die giggling.

Volcano Blog: When Amateur Geologists Attack!

One Lisa Long, writing for something called opednews.com, was looking at images of Mauna Loa volcano in Hawaii and thought she saw signs of an eruption.

Needless to say, Mauna Loa is not erupting, and it's unlikely that you can be the first person to notice an eruption by looking at pictures on Google Earth.

Hysterical Scientist Alert!

Cats. Feral cats. Millions of them. Hungry.

Now's your chance to get in on the ground floor of the new environmental hysteria. Become world famous, win the Nobel Prize! Be the Al Gore of feral cats!


update: Welcome, Ace of Spades HQ Morons!