"It Was A Rather Nasty, Ill-Placed Bite."

Warning: Never fall asleep nude on a New Zealand Beach.

This story reminds me about the old joke about the Lone Ranger being bitten by a rattlesnake:

One morning in camp, as the Lone Ranger and Tonto stirred out of their blankets and began to get dressed, the Lone Ranger was bitten on the penis by a prarie rattlesnake. As the member began to swell with poison, the Lone Ranger, in obvious pain, cried, "Tonto, my friend, ride to town like lightning and ask the doctor there what to do. Hurry, Tonto!"

Tonto saddled up Scout and galloped into town, and ran quickly to Dr. Cooper's. "Doctor, Lone Ranger needs help! Him bitten by rattlesnake! I think him dying!"

Dr. Cooper frowned. "This is bad news, Tonto. Here's what you have to do, though: take a sharp knife and cut the bite open, then suck the poison out. That's the only way that the Lone Ranger will stand a chance to live through this."

Tonto thanked Dr. Cooper and galloped back to camp. The Lone Ranger was writhing in agony, his penis swollen to three times its normal size, hard and throbbing and purple. "Tonto, what did the doctor say? How do we treat this snakebite?" the Lone Ranger gasped.

Tonto looked at the Lone Ranger's swollen purple penis, then recalled what the doctor had advised. "Bad news, Kemo Sabe," he said. "Doctor say you gonna die."