Headline of the Day

"Driver Swerves To Avoid Moose, Hits Bear."

This sounds like an opportunity for a meme, of sorts. Let's use that same headline and use blanks where moose and bear appear. Presume you're the driver of the car, fill in the blanks:

Driver swerves to avoid __________, hits __________.

Put your answer in the comments. Be as offensive as you like. I won't tell anyone.