Monday, July 26, 2010

We Got Yer Epic Fail, Here

Police: Man robs bank in clown pants, fake breasts.

SWISSVALE, Pa. Authorities say a Pittsburgh-area man robbed a bank wearing a woman's blond wig, fake breasts under a sweater and clown pants.

Swissvale police say 48-year-old Dennis Hawkins of North Braddock was sitting in a parked car covered in red dye from an exploding packet in a bag of money when he was arrested Saturday.

Police Chief Greg Geppert says Hawkins robbed the bank at gunpoint, using a toy BB gun he had shoplifted from a store.

OK, so he was in drag with blond wig and fake breasts? So he looked like Dolly Parton robbing the bank with a BB gun?

And to top it off, the teller slipped a dye pack into the money bag, so it went off while he was in his getaway car, so he's there looking like Dolly Parton covered in blood when the po-po's arrive to haul his carcass off to the pokey?

How did the cops manage that without dying of terminal laughing fits?

update: I was watching the local news tonight and saw a report on this crime, during which they showed closed-circuit footage of the criminal. He's black with a closely-trimmed beard, so you have a bearded black guy in drag with a blond wig and fake tits, and, after the dye pack exploded, seemingly covered in blood from the dye.

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