At the Hotel Tonight...

...I had this exchange of words with a guest:

Guest: I locked my keys and my wallet in my room!

Me: All right. What is your name?

Guest: Dinky McDoodle. (not his real name, to protect his privacy and my job)

Me: What is your room number?

Guest: Room 303.

Me: What is your company's name?

Guest: Spacely's Sprockets. (again, not his real company, same reason)

Me: What is the air-speed velocity of a coconut-laden swallow?

AND THE FOOL DIDN"T GET THE REFERENCE!

Thus Explaining the Knights Who Say "Ni!"

"Israeli researchers discover shrub that can treat diabetes."

Israeli researchers have found that a plant that grows in Israel, as well as in other parts of the Middle East, is effective in treating diabetes.

Dr. Jonathan Gorelick of the Judea Research and Development Center will present the results of his study of Chiliadenus iphionoides (sharp varthemia), an aromatic shrub that grows in Israel and throughout the Middle East, at the 25th Judea and Samaria Research Studies Conference in Ariel University on Thursday.

Dr. Gorelick and his team, who published the results of their study of sharp varthemia in the Journal of Ethnopharmacology in October 2011, found that consumption of the yellow-flowering plant increased sugar absorption in skeletal muscle and fat cells and reduced blood sugar levels in animals.

It's Not Dead...

...it's just resting.




I'm not feeling particularly motivated these days. Other than sharing crap on Facebook and the odd reply on Twitter, I'm withdrawing into myself even more than usual. Nothing I really want to talk about, but I wanted to note the lack of postings.

I may post occasionally again or even cheer up and start posting daily again. Then again, maybe not. Expect me when you see me, as Gandalf said.

The Monty Python Reunion

A distressing gallery of photographs.

Sample:

Once Again, Life Imitates Monty Python....

...this time in Lufkin, Texas, where a catfish was allegedly used as a slapping weapon:

Texas police are still investigating to see if they can hook anyone with charges after an alleged fish-slapping incident over the weekend.

During the incident in Lufkin, a woman supposedly slapped her sister-in-law in the face face with a dead catfish.

There is, of course, nothing new under the sun:

Well, You Could Sell Them At Sporting Events, I Suppose

"Golf balls, lighters and action figures: Staggering rubbish found in albatross chicks' stomachs."

And, of course, those things not being part of the Albatross's diet, it's killing them. But hey! It might provide employment for some poor woman:

Sounds Like a Lost Monty Python Episode

"A drunken dandy. A Spitfire hero fuelled by Spam. And a colonel pickled in rum. The very fruity secrets I found in my family tree."

The "colonel pickled in rum" would be the late Graham Chapman, of course:

New Species of Bird Discovered In US

Unfortunately, the only example is dead and in a museum.

Pic:

Stiff. Bereft of Life.

They've named it Bryan's Shearwater. Since I've already started a Monty Python riff, might as well continue it:

Oh, I'm a Congressman and I'm Okay...

...I sext all night and I work all day.

I vote on bills, I eat my lunch
I go to the lavatory
On Wednesdays I have quorums
And vote on committees

I'm a Congressman and I'm okay
I sext all night and I work all day

I vote on bills, I skip and jump
I love to press wild flowers
I put on women's clothing
And sext girls after hours

I'm a Congressman and I'm okay
I sext all night and I work all day

I vote on bills, I wear high heels
Suspenders and a bra
I wish I'd been a girly
Just like my dear mama!

Rumors of My Extinction Have Been Greatly Exaggerated

Scientists go on a hunt for "extinct" species of amphibians...and find them.

They're feeling better:

He Farted In Their General Direction

In Sweden, a prison convict was officially reprimanded for farting near his guards.

So, naturally...

Mr. Gore Says I Told You So

India and Bangladesh had to end a territorial dispute over an island after it sank into the sea as a result of global warming.

THIS Is An EX-Island!

Life Imitates Monty Python

In Afghanistan, a British army chef fed his people on Spam-based foodstuffs when supplies ran low.

Hammer the Hamster

When Lynn Middlebrook Geter's 12-year old son brought home his report card from school with bad grades on it, for punishment Ms. Geter made the boy kill his pet hamster with a hammer.

She then put on her Vote Palin! t-shirt and drove to a local Tea Party rally.*

Monty Python did a sketch on a similar use of mallets:







*maybe she did, maybe she didn't. I'm sure I have at least reader who'd say Well of course she did! You know who you are.

Pic of Hoodah Thunkit

Since I refer to Hoodah Thunkit a lot, I thought I'd provide a little more information on her. She's a 55-year-old widow living at 14 Bog Lane, Midgehole, West Yorkshire, England. Here's her pic:



Hoodah's late husband Reg Thunkit, died in a tragic auto-erotic asphyxiation accident. Here's a pic of the late Reg:

He's Not The Patron Saint Against Sickness, After All.

The Catholic church has banned the kissing of the relics of San Gennaro (whose blood magically reconstitutes every year) because of swine flu concerns.

And yes, I do believe I have detected another Monty Python tie-in here:



(I think that Raphael the Archangel is the patron against sickness. There's a lot of saints linked to sickness.)

Yet Another Monty Python Tie-In

"City offers free vacation for fake gull."

So:

Taking The Sex Out of Middlesex

Because spam filters kick back too many emails.

So, of course...



And I'm only 1/3 of the way through UPI's Odd News. Who knows how many more Monty Python tie-ins I can find there?

Blessed and Insured Are The Cheesemakers

In Somerset, England, a cheesemaker has insured the nose of his master cheese grader (not cheese grater, something else entirely).

And, since I'm in a Monty Python frame of mind:

Only The King Can Wear That Tat

A patriotic Swedish woman (oxymoron?) can't wear the Swedish National Coat of Arms as a tattoo because the crest is reserved for the use of the King of Sweden.

It would make him easy to identify, I suppose, probably much easier than simply not being covered in shit (skip ahead to 1:50 to see the pertinent section):