Friday, July 31, 2009

Weekend Music Interlude

Most of you know by now that I don't post a lot on weekends, so I'll offer a couple of music videos of artists you might not be familiar with.

Here's Junior Brown, with a deep rich voice and a guit-steel of his very own design, playing My Wife Thinks You're Dead:

Here's the late Don Walser, the "Pavarotti of the Plains," singing John Deere Tractor. I'll send this one out to Frank James, hope that all of you read his blog.

A Prayer To The Obamessiah

Janis Sharp, mother of Gary MacKinnon, a computer hacker who hacked into US Government computers, prays to President Obama to spare her son:

She said: 'Stand by us and make this world a better place, a more compassionate place.

'Obama wouldn't have this. He doesn't want the first guy extradited for computer misuse to be a guy with Asperger's, a UFO guy. He wouldn't want this.

'I'm just praying, please hear us, Obama, because I know you would do the right thing.

'I know you would have the strength to stand up and not have this.'

These people really do believe he's God, don't they?

Kid's Got Talent

A 6-year-old UK boy is painting some remarkable watercolors, and is even being exhibited in a gallery in Norfolk.

Here's a sample:

I think it's safe to say what this youngster's career will be.


This summary is not available. Please click here to view the post.

We Can Deal With Your Spinal Injury...

...but people will probably call you a "Smurf" after we do so.

Treating spinal injuries with a blue food dye could have the side-effect of leaving the patient dyed blue.

Hoodah thunkit?

Wednesday, July 29, 2009

Volcano Blog: Anak Krakatau, Indonesia

Stunning images of Anak Krakatau, the "child of Krakatoa," which blew its guts out in a colossal eruption in 1883 which claimed 36,000 lives from tsunamis triggered by the eruption.

That eruption didn't end the life of Krakatoa, it was just one in a cycle of eruptions during the geologic life of this volcano.

Here's one of the images:

Killer of Abortionist Pleads Not Guilty...

...says he was only performing a very late-term abortion.

Notice how the Telegraph has no qualms about referring to Tiller as an abortionist?

Speaking of Two-Headed Babies...

...which we weren't, of course, but it's a good way to introduce this story found in the UK Telegraph. Click through to the story if you wish to read it and see the two-headed baby, but I think it would be more amusing to come up with the most bizarre two-headed human you can imagine, for example:

A human with a Rush Limbaugh head and a Bill Maher head;

Nancy Pelosi and George Bush heads on the same human;

Sarah Palin and Andrew Sullivan heads on the same human;

Rev. Al Sharpton and David Duke heads on the same human.

Come up with your own!


The top 20 ways in which people in UK injure themselves:

1. Sleeping in the same position

2. Missing a step on a staircase

3. Falling off playground equipment

4. Falling out of bed

5. Slipping when stepping out of the shower

6. Walking into a lamp-post

7. Sneezing

8. Dropping a jar of food on toes

9. Working on the computer

10. Falling off a chair

11. Falling over a dog

12. Tripping over toys

13. Lifting a child

14. Walking into a glass door

15. Lifting a suitcase when going on holiday

16. Choking on a cup of tea

17. Sitting down when someone has removed the chair

18. Falling out of a tree

19. Brushing teeth

20. Falling into a pothole

Looks like you could narrow that down a bit by changing a couple of those categories to simply falling and lifting.

All of those taken together, of course, could make up an ideal episode of Mr. Bean.

The Reward: Chimpanzee Arms?

Just why does Madonna work her middle-aged body so hard?

Just so she can look like...this?

Tuesday, July 28, 2009

Tutoring The Privileged On Living In Prison

The role of the "prison consultant."

NEWARK, N.J. – Bernie Madoff once had the best that money could buy when it came to his many homes. For his latest accommodations, he sought out a different kind of broker: a type of prison consultant increasingly popular among white-collar wrongdoers.

From Martha Stewart to Michael Vick, prison consultants are often hired by celebrities, white-collar miscreants and disgraced politicians to lobby for good prison placement, mitigate sentence length and offer crash courses in prison culture.

Miller says his firm first assesses a client's "prison demeanor" and then tailors advice accordingly. Often, former powerbrokers are told they can no longer order others around and shy people are urged to learn to play cards or talk sports so they don't seem anti-social.

Clients are counseled, he said, to always stick with their own race — regardless of how open-minded they might be in the outside world — and are coached to never let anyone cut in front of them in the food line. They're warned that dorm environments are more volatile than single cellblocks and that most altercations take place in the TV room.

The next step? Opening prison boutiques, where you can buy such things as designer shanks and soap-on-a-rope.

Don't Want No Homegrown Jihadis

Looks like the peckerwoods of North Carolina are trading in their Klan hoods for Jihadi head towels.

No Homegrown Jihadis, Thanks All The Same

Monday, July 27, 2009

Did You Know...

...that the German word for a man who sits down to urinate is sitzpinkler? And that they don't use it in a complimentary way? Neither did I.

h/t Amy Alkon at the Advice Goddess Blog.

I think I just found the perfect name for an EverQuest character...

*laughs uproariously*

Local Entrepeneur Makes Drudge

A kiosk merchant at Concord Mills Mall who offers conservative-themed merchandise for sale is in danger of losing his vending contract.

Here's a screen capture of the Drudge Report link (look in upper left corner):

And here is a link to the offending items, including a bumper sticker that says Impeach Obama.

Pretty obscene stuff, all right.

Sunday, July 26, 2009

Weekend Snapshots

Spent most of the weekend on the road with Sara, visiting points west, south, and east. Sights seen included Lake Lure, NC, where the movie Dirty Dancing was filmed long ago; Asheville, NC, although only briefly; and Badin Lake, NC, which is a reservoir lake of the Pee Dee River.

Much of the weekend my feet were here:

If you need stuff, the homegrown stuff is better:

It was a pretty day on Saturday to be up in the mountains, and we weren't the only people to think so; lots of tourists and daytrippers up at Lake Lure and Chimney Rock, and we kept seeing motorcycles on the winding mountain roads. Here's a shot of Lake Lure:

After arriving in Asheville we headed back east along I-40, then south into South Carolina on US 221. In Chesnee we passed a car show in the downtown area, lots of the locals were showing off their vehicles, but we didn't even think to take the cameras out while passing through. We stayed in SC until we reached Union, on the edge of the Sumter National Forest, before turning north for home along state road 49. Sara was checking gasoline prices as we travelled, the cheapest was in South Carolina in Chesnee, where we saw it for $2.12.

Sunday we didn't drive as long, heading east to the Pee Dee River area, Badin Lake and Lake Tillery, both lakes formed by dams on the Pee Dee. It was another beautiful day, although blistering hot in the 90's.

Here is a cove of Badin Lake, a public boat launch area:

By travelling along the roads around Badin Lake we eventually reached the public areas, part of the Uwharrie National Forest properties. Here is a public fishing pier, reached after a long drive down a narrow gravel road:

The fishing pier area was busy with swimmers and a man with a casting-net, so we didn't bother getting our fishing rods out of the trunk. We availed ourselves of the public restrooms, though, which proved to be of the composting variety, and pointed up the need for us to always carry toilet paper on these little excursions.

Here is a place where we didn't eat; somehow, I doubt that it mattered to the owners:

We ended up eating at the Ryan's Family Steakhouse in Albemarle, usually reasonable at $6.99 for lunch, but on Sundays a bit unreasonable at $10.99; I did my best to justify the price by eating two hamburgers and a huge piece of fish, but don't think that we ended up recouping the cost.

And so to home, with a stop at a produce stand for watermelons and peaches. Two seedless watermelons for $5, and one of them is in the refrigerator cooling at this very moment.

All in all, a good weekend, although expensive in terms of gasoline, since Sara had to refill the tank three times during the course of it.

Saturday, July 25, 2009

A Bit of Road Humor

Sara and I traveled into the North Carolina mountains today, visiting Lake Lure and Asheville, then coming home via rural roads in South Carolina.

Riding on US 74 West, we noticed that certain overpasses have been named to commemorate fallen NC Highway Patrol troopers. Later in the afternoon, as we traveled south at a fairly fast clip, we noticed a State Trooper ahead on an exit ramp, his car moving fairly fast, but his progress blocked by a red traffic signal.

"If he blows that light and pulls out in front of us, they'll be naming a bridge after him," I said.

We both burst out into hysterical laughter. I very nearly blacked out, and both of us were so blinded by tears of laughter that we wondered for a brief few seconds if Sara, who was driving, would run off the road or otherwise wreck the car. Fortunately it didn't happen, and we eventually got ourselves under control, although only after five minutes or more of continuous laughter. Something usually can be found to strike us funny each weekend together, but nothing matched this particular episode for side-splitting hysterical belly laughter.

We got a few shots from Lake Lure and a particularly strange roadside sign. I'll post them on Sunday evening.

Friday, July 24, 2009

Travel To Ireland's Skellig Michael Island...

...via a fine Stars and Stripes article.

One of the things I loved most about reading The Stars and Stripes when I lived in Rota, Spain, was the fabulous travel articles. Here's a fine example, with great slideshow, of this inaccessible, inhospitable place where Irish monks eked out a difficult existence during the Dark Ages.

If You Can't Oppress Nazis...

...then something is terribly wrong.

Oh, You Mean THOSE Leopards?

They aren't extinct. Hell, they're all over the place.

Yet another species is, as Monty Python would have it, not dead yet.

Who's Trying To Burn Down France?

The French Foreign Legion, that's who.

I should probably amend that to "who else is trying to burn down France," since the Muslims in the Banlieus have been working at burning down France for several years now.

This 'Ere's A .44 Magnum, Mate, Most Powerful 'Andgun In The World, And Will...


A UK police firearms instructor inadvertently shoots a civilian police employee during a "gun awareness" training exercise.

But remember, they're the only ones qualified to demonstrate a handgun safely. Which, of course, brings to mind this infamous YouTube video:

Thursday, July 23, 2009

Before Taking A Computer In For Repair...

...perhaps you should read this UK Daily Mail report about the sort of tricks and criminal behaviors that repairmen engage in.

The report covers computer repair mischief in the UK, but could just as easily happen here in the US.


Had someone purporting to be a soldier enter the hotel a few minutes ago, wanting a room. He was black, wearing a green digital camoflage uniform. Groggy and sleepy at nearly 2 in the morning, I wasn't particularly observant as to whether he was Army or Marine, or his rank; I didn't see insignia on his arms or collar, so I can't even be sure if he was officer or enlisted.

I do know he was offensively arrogant, though. When I plugged the code for government/military into our computer and quoted him the resulting rate of $97 and tax, he flatly replied "negative," and proceeded to lecture me that he knew the military rates, that he stayed at hotels across the country, that he was a soldier back from war, etc. His lack of humility pissed me off, and analyzing it now, I realize I was unconsciously channelling my Confederate forebears, confronting the arrogant black face of the Reconstruction soldier lording it over the defeated Southern populace.

"I'm a vet myself," I told him, "and I never acted as if my service entitled me to a hotel rate lower than anyone else in the US."

"Tell you what I'll do then," he sneered, "I'll go somewhere else, that's my prerogative."

"Then do so," said I.

Wednesday, July 22, 2009

Headline of the Day

Sand-trapping groin bill stalled in N.C. House.

I picture something like this:

Not something like this:

Although both are sandy, sure enough.

UK Women Want Nigella Lawson Curves

And probably most UK men would be happy if that were to come true.

Here's Nigella:

Come to think of it, Nigella would go pretty well in that 2CV from the previous post (scroll down).

update: noted bad link, fixed it.

Cross a Citroën 2CV and a Ferrari...

...and you get a bread truck that can go 180mph.

For when you absolutely need that hot bread now.

The Next Internet Craze?

Drunk People and Yoga Positions Blog.

Here's a sample:

Related story, H/T UK Telegraph.

UK: Knife Control Policies Fail, Deaths Rise

Gee, hoodah thunkit?

But they won't stop trying:

"This is a long journey. Success when you're dealing with these sort of problems might be measured in generations, not weeks or months."

Tuesday, July 21, 2009

Bunker Living: Not Just for Hitler Anymore

Yes, you too can live in a WWII bunker of your very own!

The homeowner mentions that it's probably secure from zombie attacks, an endearing touch. I'm reminded of what Mole and Badger said about underground living in The Wind In The Willows:

Presently they all sat down to luncheon together. The Mole found himself placed next to Mr. Badger, and, as the other two were still deep in river-gossip from which nothing could divert them, he took the opportunity to tell Badger how comfortable and home-like it all felt to him. `Once well underground,' he said, `you know exactly where you are. Nothing can happen to you, and nothing can get at you. You're entirely your own master, and you don't have to consult anybody or mind what they say. Things go on all the same overhead, and you let 'em, and don't bother about 'em. When you want to, up you go, and there the things are, waiting for you.'

The Badger simply beamed on him. `That's exactly what I say,' he replied. `There's no security, or peace and tranquillity, except underground. And then, if your ideas get larger and you want to expand -- why, a dig and a scrape, and there you are! If you feel your house is a bit too big, you stop up a hole or two, and there you are again! No builders, no tradesmen, no remarks passed on you by fellows looking over your wall, and, above all, no weather. Look at Rat, now. A couple of feet of flood water, and he's got to move into hired lodgings; uncomfortable, inconveniently situated, and horribly expensive. Take Toad. I say nothing against Toad Hall; quite the best house in these parts, as a house. But supposing a fire breaks out -- where's Toad? Supposing tiles are blown off, or walls sink or crack, or windows get broken -- where's Toad?

Supposing the rooms are draughty -- I hate a draught myself -- where's Toad? No, up and out of doors is good enough to roam about and get one's living in; but underground to come back to at last -- that's my idea of home!'

The Mole assented heartily; and the Badger in consequence got very friendly with him. `When lunch is over,' he said, `I'll take you all round this little place of mine. I can see you'll appreciate it. You understand what domestic architecture ought to be, you do.'

The homeowner also mentions that the place would be quite suitable for a recluse (hermit).


Obama the Post Turtle

h/t Knuckledraggin' My Life Away.

Just call him Cooter.

Ironic Headline of the Day

"Boy Dies After Car Slides Into Resurrection River."

Soon we'll reach the shining river,
Soon our pilgrimage will cease;
Soon our happy hearts will quiver
With the melody of peace.

(verse 4 of "Shall We Gather At The River," music/lyrics Robert Lowry)

A Parricide, Probably Praiseworthy

20-year-old Justin Evans (no relation to this blogger) shot his father, Kenneth Evans. The elder Evans was holding a knife to his wife's throat when the son shot him.

Police have indicated that the younger Evans won't be charged.

Transvestite: I Won't Surrender 'Til My Boob Job Heals

Won't surrender to police in a robbery case until his implant job heals, to be specific.

At 5'6" and 230 pounds, you'd think his boobs would be big enough already...

Take A Literary Classic, Change a Few Words...

...stir a bit, and maybe you have something humorous.

Jonathan Harker's Journal.

May 4--I found that my landlord had got a letter from the Count, directing him to secure the best place on the coach for me; but on making inquiries as to details he seemed somewhat reticent, and pretended that he could not understand my German.

This could not be true, because up to then he had understood it perfectly; at least, he answered my questions exactly as if he did.

He and his wife, the old lady who had received me, looked at each other in a frightened sort of way. He mumbled out that the money had been sent in a letter,and that was all he knew. When I asked him if he knew Count Dracula, and could tell me anything of his castle, both he and his wife crossed themselves, and, saying that they knew nothing at all, simply refused to speak further. It was so near the time of starting that I had no time to ask anyone else, for it was all very mysterious and not by any means comforting.

Just before I was leaving, the old lady came up to my room and said in a hysterical way: "Must you go? Oh! Young Herr, must you go?" She was in such an excited state that she seemed to have lost her grip of what German she knew, and mixed it all up with some other language which I did not know at all. I was just able to follow her by asking many questions. When I told her that I must go at once, and that I was engaged on important business, she asked again:

"Do you know what day it is?" I answered that it was the sixteenth of November. She shook her head as she said again:

"Oh, yes! I know that! I know that, but do you know what day it is?"

On my saying that I did not understand, she went on:

"It is the eve of Santa Gertrudis's Day. Do you not know that tonight, when the clock strikes midnight, all the cows in the world will have full sway? Do you know where you are going, and what you are going to?" She was in such evident distress that I tried to comfort her, but without effect. Finally, she went down on her knees and implored me not to go; at least to wait a day or two before starting.

It was all very ridiculous but I did not feel comfortable. However, there was business to be done, and I could allow nothing to interfere with it.

I tried to raise her up, and said, as gravely as I could, that I thanked her, but my duty was imperative, and that I must go.

She then rose and dried her eyes, and taking a crucifix from her neck offered it to me.

I did not know what to do, for, as an English Churchman, I have been taught to regard such things as in some measure idolatrous, and yet it seemed so ungracious to refuse an old lady meaning so well and in such a state of mind.

She saw, I suppose, the doubt in my face, for she put the rosary round my neck and said, "For your mother's sake," and went out of the room.

Most of you should be able to indentify the novel referenced. Hope you enjoyed the parody.

Saturday, July 18, 2009

Walter Cronkite, 1916-2009, R.I.P.

Dead at age 92 of cerebrovascular disease.

Cronkite was the biggest of the network news readers during the 70's and early 80's, a comforting, grandfatherly presence there in our living rooms via the tv, usually seen after family dinners. He broadcast in a time when there was no alternative to the three liberal news networks: no Limbaugh, no Fox News, so in those days the MSM had an easy task indoctrinating America. In interviews after he retired, during the newer media period of combative viewpoints, it became obvious tha Cronkite resented the loss of power that the MSM suffered, and felt that ideological diversity in news media to be rather disagreeable.

Still, he came from an era when people were more polite and mannerly in their disagreements, and could sit down at dinner even if of different political views. I don't know that we can do that so much anymore.

Friday, July 17, 2009

Support Chris Muir and Day By Day!

Probably the first thing you notice on this blog is Chris Muir's fine comic strip Day By Day.It relates the daily battles in the culture war, as seen through the eyes of the four main characters: Zed, Sam, Jan and Damon. I first encountered this fine comic on Ed Morrissey's now defunct Captain's Quarter's blog. When Ed moved to Hot Air, I decided in my small way to make sure that Day By Day was still on the top of a blog for other people to read and comment on. Thus, it is here on The Drawn Cutlass for you to view each day, full panel-width.

Chris Muir, the artist behind Day By Day, doesn't draw these strips as a hobby; they are his sole source of income, and donations from his readers keep the strip going (it's certainly not going to be picked by liberal MSM editors for their newspapers, obviously). If you read the strip daily and have a few bucks, why not click on the link above and head over to Chris's place to donate to the cause? You even get stuff for your money, it's not just charity. You can donate as little as $1, if that's all you have. If today isn't your payday, think about donating next week when you get that check in your hot little hand. Pony up. You'll get pictures of Sam, and she's teh hotness personified, and won't say stupid liberal stuff like Megan Fox does.

Thursday, July 16, 2009

"Repetitively Squeezing a Gelatinous Ball."

According to The New York Times, it's how Secretary of State Hillary Clinton is rehabilitating her broken elbow.

And no, I don't think Bill is involved this time, though Hillary certainly has that reputation.

That's a Creative Corn Maze

At Burton-Upon-Trent, Staffordshire, UK.

Nice Old West theme, there. I should point out, also, that in UK it would be called a "maize maze," since corn is usually a term applied to wheat.

There Was A Rumor About A Tumor...

...but it turned out to be an abscess, instead.

A man is suing UK's National Health Service for telling him he had an inoperable, terminal tumor and only six months to live.

Hey, it's free health care. They didn't say it would be accurate health care, now did they? No, they didn't.

*bonus points awarded to the person who indentifies the song and artist quoted in the subject post.*

Wednesday, July 15, 2009

The Rule of 3's Applied

Jamie Neale, a UK man visiting Australia, did everything wrong. When he walked into the bush for a hike, he took no survival gear with him, only a bit of food and water. He had brought a "space blanket" as emergency survival gear, but forgot it when he started his walk. Neale quickly became lost and was forced to survive on his own, without gear, for 12 days. What saved him? The Rule of 3.

The Rule of 3 is a pnemonic device for prioritizing survival needs. Here is what they are:

You can survive for three minutes without air.

You can survive for three hours without warmth. (Less, in water).

You can survive for three days without water to drink.

You can survive for three weeks without food.

Who would find air important to survival? Divers; miners trapped by a cave-in; a person whose car has gone off the road and into deep water; a child trapped in an abandoned refrigerator.

Who would find warmth important to survival? Restaurant employees locked into a walk-in freezer by a robber; the air crash passengers trapped in the Andes back in the 1970's; the protagonist of Jack London's tale To Build A Fire.

Who would find water important to survival? A person trapped in a desert; survivors of a shipwreck sheltering in a lifeboat.

Who would find food important to survival? US military personnel imprisoned by Japan during WWII; the millions killed by famine in the 1920's in the Soviet Union.

What about Jamie Neale, then? He survived because of blind luck, in spite of his incredible stupidity. Jamie had no survival problems concerning air; he wasn't trapped in a cave, for example. The weather in Australia in the region Jamie was lost in is temperate, not cold enough on its own to kill, and Jamie managed to huddle under logs during the coldest periods. Water and food were the two things Jamie needed in the bush, and of the two, it was lack of water that was working on him the most; after being found, he had to be hospitalized for dehydration. He had some access to water, but was exhausting his body through being unable to find sufficient food.

What should Jamie have done? Carry the Ten Essentials. In a container the size of a cigar box, you can carry much of what you need to survive an ordeal such as Jamie's. For someone contemplating going into large tracts of wilderness, supplementing the Ten is pretty much a necessity. Taking some survival courses or even reading some books on the subject should be part of the process for preparing oneself for the wilderness.

Jamie Neale survived in spite of his incredible stupidity through blind luck; the wilderness he went into was a kindly one, comparatively speaking. Think of a wilderness area you would like to visit, and ponder: if you were trapped there without any survival gear, how long would you survive? Say you break your ankle while cross-country skiing in Maine, for example: how long would you live? Say that your sailing yacht is struck and overturned by a whale near the Galapagos Islands (this actually happened), and you had to survive in your life raft for a couple of weeks: could you do it? Think of pilot Steve Fossett: had he survived his plane crash, how long would he have survived in the Nevada desert?

Follow the motto of the Boy Scouts, and Be Prepared. Don't rely on blind luck to save you.

You're Supposed To Use A Baseball bat...

...not your head.

Wonder if her last words were "Hey, watch this!"

*Gasp* She Might Not Be Telling the Truth?

Republicans have a feeling that Sonia Sotomayor is being less than honest in her Senate confirmation hearing.

Let's just say it's possible that Sotomayor will, once on the Supreme Court, vote strictly according to law, but it ain't very damned likely. Most likely of all is the probability of her voting with the liberal bloc of the justices. Were she to pull a Souter and vote with the conservatives, I'd be quite surprised, shocked even, but also rather pleased.

The Hunting Version of Stolen Valor

"Stolen Valor" is when a person claims to have earned military medals or served in an elite military unit without actually having done so.

I'd guess that the equivalent crime in hunting would be to kill and behead a stud deer on a breeding farm so that you could get the 12-point head mounted to hang in your den.

Here's Nimrod, the Mighty Hunter:

Well, the idiot is only 21. Maybe he'll learn from his mistake.

Hey, You Could Get Struck By Lightning

Our local newspaper, The Charlotte Observer, does a story about the odds of hitting the lottery.

Topical, since my girlfriend Sara and I were discussing this very subject last night. I decided that I'd play once per week, and also bank the same amount in savings, and at the end of each year see which one brings in more money. A scientific experiment, as it were.

And hell, you can't win if you don't play.


It Must Have Been An Assault Lawn Chair

Police say a Statesville man has been charged with robbing a man and beating him with a lawn chair.

The Record & Landmark of Statesville reported that 36-year-old Kenneth Wayne Mills of Statesville is charged with assault with a deadly weapon with intent to kill and robbery with a dangerous weapon.

Officials say they found a lawn chair with blood on it near where the victim was assaulted.

When lawn chairs are outlawed, only outlaws will sit in lawn chairs. Makes 'em easy to spot.

The Dung Hits The Fan... the annual Talkeetna, Alaska, Moose Dropping Festival.

What a crappy way for people to behave...

Taxes Stink... a quite literal way in Santa Fe, New Mexico.

In Other Fast Food News... Arby's fastfood worker stationed at a drive-thru window assisted police in making a drug/gun/child endangerment bust when he noticed the smell of marijuana coming from a car and called police.

Yes, I know that Jack doesn't work at Arby's. Arby's doesn't have a mascot, though.

Wreck In The House... Jack In The Box.

America's Susan Boyle?

A down-home country boy from Kentucky who picks guitar and sings in a fashion reminiscent of Randy Travis is being compared to Susan Boyle on America's Got Talent.

Take a listen. I can't embed it, damnit, but click the link to visit YouTube for the video. While not quite as striking as Boyle's performance, this man, Kevin Skinner by name, has a voice made for country music.

Tuesday, July 14, 2009

The President Throws Like A Girl

Or a foreigner.

Click the link and see for yourself.

It's a sort of shot-put throw. Fortunately he got it to the catcher with no problem. He wore a Chicago White Sox jacket. After the introduction there was mixed cheering and booing.

Is It Racism To Play The Odds?

While reading a headline on my RSS reader just now, "Machete Attack Results In Arrest," I though to myself, probably a Mexican, meaning that the percentages favored a Hispanic-American perpetrator.

Sure enough:

A man was charged by Wilmington police with assault Sunday afternoon after he was accused of cutting two roommates with a machete, according to a release from Wilmington Police Department spokeswoman Lucy Crockett.

Noe Garcia Velazquez, 30, of the 400 block of Rutledge Drive, was being held on a $52,500 bond, charged with assault with a deadly weapon and assault with intent to inflict serious injury.

Velazquez and the other man left, but Velazquez was later found by police and arrested, initially on outstanding warrants.

So not only did my calculation of percentages (or racial profiling, if you will) turn out correct, that last paragraph made for another interesting calculation of odds: I wonder if he's an illegal alien?

United Breaks Guitars

The story of how a humble musician from Canada is getting the attention of a major US airline after his guitar was destroyed by baggage manglers handlers in Chicago.

The power of YouTube and the intarwebs strikes again.

Monday, July 13, 2009

Look At This Picture...

...and see if you can tell which of these two gay penguins is the...uh...pitcher and which is in the relationship?

Now, I won't claim to be any sort of penguin sex expert, but it looks rather obvious to me that the penguin on the right is a bit embarrassed by the entire situation, and hates that he's a public spectacle. The other penguin has that cocky yah, he's my bitch sort of look about him.

Then again, I could be wrong. I often am, although my girlfriend Sara kindly describes me as confused.

Ah, well. Discuss it among yourselves, if you like.

Accidental Discharge In the Ladies' Room

And no, it wasn't a case of not making it to the toilet on time.

More info here, including the name and address of the woman CCW owner who caused the accidental discharge. Nice of you to guard her privacy, Saint Petersburg Times editors. Typical.

Bottle Message #2: Found!

I blogged on June 9th about a bottle message launched from the Kure Beach (NC) Fishing Pier; I just received an email about its recovery:

Hello Mr. Evans,
My son, Cody B.,(redacted by blog owner for privacy) found one of your bottles while camping on the North End of Carolina Beach (marker 6). He could not respond to your message personally, as he is traveling (camping) extensively through the next few weeks and he asked me to respond.

The sprite bottle was found in good condition with no label on July 9th around noon while he was surfing.

He gave the $5 to a homeless couple who was camping on the beach.

Good luck in your research endeavors,

So I'm two for two on bottle message recovery, with this one travelling just a few miles up the coast from Kure Beach to Carolina Beach, apparently landing in a spot desolate enough to escape detection for most of a month.

Thanks to Cody B. and his mother Bonny for responding to my bottle message.

Saturday, July 11, 2009

2:00 A.M. Observation

The upside of having a cat is to have it snuggling with you and your inamorata at night.

The downside of having a cat is to have said cat sneeze into your face as part of the snuggling, blowing cat ickus glickus all over your face, requiring a bathroom stop to clean up.

That is all.

Friday, July 10, 2009

Now He's Certified Graveyard Dead

A motocyclist who lacked certification to ride a motorcycle safely was killed while trying to perform a "wheelie" stunt.

And, presumably, the deceased has by this time been carved into a canoe by surgeons looking for organs to harvest for other people more in need of them than Mr. Wheelie Guy.

Thursday, July 09, 2009

That Sly Dog Drudge

Matt Drudge has a bit of snarky fun at the President's expense:

Bet that Michelle will be happy with that image, huh?

Dueling Headlines

Rock Hill Herald: Why Was Burris Free?

Charlotte Observer: Habitual-felons Law Wastes Taxpayers' Money.

There ya go.

My Big White Butt Is Eminent

Australia's Great Barrier Reef will be gone in 20 years, says Charlie Veron, an "eminent scientist."

It's a damned shame these "eminent scientists" can't be held to account for their rubbish predictions. Most of them are about as reliable as the late psychic Jean Dixon.

Wasn't That A Marjorie Rawlings Novel?

75-year-old woman arrested for beating a fawn to death.

Heh, as Glenn Reynolds says.

Rawlings is something of a forgotten novelist now, but back in the 30's was quite popular; her novels and especially her memoir Cross Creek hold up amazingly well.

A Lifetime of Prospecting...Result, Two Rings?

It's possible that I didn't read this story correctly, but if all you have to show for decades of gold prospecting is enough gold to make two small rings, then maybe you'd have been better off looking for loose change in soda machines and on the ground, perhaps with a metal detector?

Just sayin'.

Wednesday, July 08, 2009

The 400-Pound Gorilla

When 390-pound criminal Chetawayotoare Harvey decided to resist arrest after a traffic stop, it took six police officers to persuade him of the futility of that notion.


Oh, and if anyone wants to yell RACIST! because I made the comparison of a gorilla with a black man, be my guest; it doesn't mean shit to me. Sorry you're too stupid to get the intended joke.

Regarding Google Chrome OS

It's supposed to be out in November of next year, and promises to just work. A tough claim, but Google has the reputation of making things happen.

I can't help but wonder, though, when the shoe will drop, and Google will call in the markers for all of the "free" stuff it offers. If you use their OS, their email, their Docs, their browser, their mapping/Earth, what are you willing to pay for it? Do you think it will be free forever?

Tuesday, July 07, 2009

George Washington and...Barack Obama?

David Brooks of The New York Times goes looking for a politician with the dignity of George Washington, and thinks he's found him in Barack Obama.

What Brooks neglects to notice in his search for a "dignity code" in the recent press orgies concerning such lesser individuals as Mark Sanford, Michael Jackson, and Sarah Palin (these are Brooks' examples), is that our Presidents for the most part have been men of dignity, the glaring exception being the buffoonish Bill Clinton. Certainly George W. Bush brought quiet dignity to the White House, turning the other cheek to attacks to such an extent that it actually harmed his presidency.

Brooks doesn't seem to realize that Obama is able to display a dignified front to the world because he is confronted not by a hostile press, but an adoring and even sycophantic one. Indeed, Obama has shown a testiness about the Fox News Channel, for example, that belies his reputation for coolness and dignity; again, his elevation of Rush Limbaugh to Presidential level by name-checking him as a public enemy also shows Obama's basic pettiness and inclination for Nixonian enemies' lists.

Dignified, Mr. Brooks? Put President Obama under the same unremitting MSM hostility that President Bush cheerfully withstood and let's see how dignified he remains.

Granddaughter of the Year

A 21-year-old "woman" called her grandmother 45 times in a single day, threatening to kill her.

The criminal complaint said the suspect told investigators she wanted to scare her grandmother but didn't want her dead. She said she knew it was wrong but not illegal.

*shakes head sadly*

What If the Raised Tab Fails?

How government workers know that a piece of equipment is working:

The devices work slowly, Mayes said, and don’t generate a lot of bubbles, so it might be hard to tell from the shore if they’re working. (A raised tab on the device signals to workers that things are running OK.)

Sounds as if in addition to bubbles being generated by the aerators, that smoke is being blown up the reporter's ass. They know it works because a little tab is showing?

*shakes head in disgust*

Close Only Counts With Horseshoes and Hand Grenades

And also with cancer-treating radioactive seeds, apparently.

You know your prostate cancer treatment has gone wrong when your shit comes out of your ass glowing cobalt blue.

Dr. Gary "Close Enough For Government Work" Kao.

Monday, July 06, 2009

Fatty Fatty 2 X 4, Can't Get In The Ambulance Door

The solution? Supersized ambulances!

American Medical Response (AMR) in Independence is the only area ambulance provider — and one of a relatively small number nationwide — to have a bariatric ambulance.

The vehicle features a reinforced floor and shocks, a ramp and a motorized winch to pull a loaded gurney into the back. While AMR’s standard cots hold 450 pounds, the bariatric cot can support 850 pounds in the extended position or 1,600 pounds when lowered.

You need such equipment when tranporting Mr. Creosote, for example:

A Ghastly Silence, And Then Those Awful Screams

In Japan, electric cars run so quietly that pedestrians often don't realize that they're in danger of being struck.

So, naturally...

Sunday, July 05, 2009

Belated Independence Day Wishes To You All

Had a busy weekend with nothing of interest to report, so I won't. Hope all of you enjoyed your weekend and the company of your families/loved ones.

Regular blogging to resume later tonight.

update: Here's a couple of pictures I took with Sara's camera:

And, because we apparently don't need Him much in the US anymore, having elected a new Messiah last November:

Mocksville, NC

Friday, July 03, 2009

Let's Call Them What They Really Are

The National Society of Insufferable Pricks Newspaper Columnists has awarded Alaska Governor Sarah Palin its annual Sitting Duck Award, indicating that she is the most ridiculed public figure in the news for 2008. Former Illinois Governor Rod Blagojevich was the runner-up.

Thursday, July 02, 2009

I'll Be Gahdamned.

A cryptologist has deciphered an "unbreakable" cipher that was sent to President Thomas Jefferson over 200 years ago.

Read the whole article for the details, but the decoded message is quite appropriate for this weekend:

"In Congress, July Fourth, one thousand seven hundred and seventy six. A declaration by the Representatives of the United States of America in Congress assembled. When in the course of human events..."

The Man Who Never Cashed In

A sympathetic and understanding appraisal of Neil Armstrong, the first human to set foot on the mooon.

Read the whole thing, please. In this age of looking for a money angle to all endeavors and displaying your private life for all to see *cough*marksanford*cough* it's worth looking at an American who kept his integrity intact and never made a fool of himself in his fame.

Neil Armstrong, Modest American Hero

Just A Little Dab'll Do Ya

Two professional midget wrestlers in Mexico City died when female robbers who accompanied them to their hotel rooms misjudged the amount of drugs needed to render them unconscious.

Remember: Mini-Me only needs a mini-dose.

This may be a picture of the two in the ring:

They were both Luchadores, or masked wrestlers, very popular in Mexico. One of the two was La Parkita, and the other was Espectrito Jr.

Let's Just Exacerbate That Problem, Shall We?

A pair of headlines from UK in today's news:

The most violent country in Europe: Britain is also worse than South Africa and U.S.


Call for fewer criminals to be jailed.

Very rarely will you see such willful defiance of common sense in the same news cycle, but there it is.

Say It In English, Not Gibberish

A 102-word sentence written by police is termed "gobbledegook."

Here's the sentence, judge for yourself:

'The promise of reform which the Green Paper heralds holds much for the public and Service alike; local policing, customised to local need with authentic answerability, strengthened accountabilities at force level through reforms to police authorities and HMIC, performance management at the service of localities with targets and plans tailored to local needs, the end of centrally-engineered one size fits all initiatives, an intelligent approach to cutting red tape through redesign of processes and cultures, a renewed emphasis on strategic development so as to better equip our service to meet the amorphous challenges of managing cross force harms, risks and opportunities.'

zzzzziiizzzzzizzz*snort* Huh? Did someone say something? Must have drifted off...

Definitely stupefying.

GF's For Hire

But don't call 'em whores.

Which calls to mind an old Lefty Frizzell song, which became a hit for Willie Nelson:

Good Idea: Durable Cell Phones

The UK Daily Mail has a story about the Land Rover S1 phone, which is being advertised as the "world's toughest."

I like the idea of more durable phones and electronic devices, myself. You shouldn't have to replace them every time you happen to drop them onto the ground. Mind you, you don't need this level of durability for all phones, but it should be an option, certainly.

Wednesday, July 01, 2009

Separated At Birth?

Say, I happened to be reading Instapundit just now, and was struck by this image of Glenn Reynolds:

Glenn Reynolds

And was thinking to myself, Self, doesn't this man look familiar? Like someone who would offer you £10,000 for an Everlasting Gobstopper? Take a look:

Arthur Slugworth

Why, the resemblance is uncanny!* (Slugworth was played by German actor Gunter Meisner, by the way.)

*my deepest respects to Prof. Reynolds, who has always treated this blog more than fairly.

You Know What? I Agree With Ron Paul

In a Washington Times op/ed he calls for neo-isolationism, and I pretty much agree with him.

Read the whole thing. I've always been an isolationist at heart, myself. Paul tends to be a bit extreme for me, but this particular set of principles I have to say is what I think the US needs to be doing.

h/t Hot Air Headlines.

Democrats In Charge: Let's Socially Engineer The Military Some More

This time we'll target smoking in the military, with an eye to banning it. We'll institute mandatory urinalysis to ferret out the smokers, just like any other drug users, and if the resulting mandatory reeducation camps treatment programs don't work, the next step will be to penalize them by putting it in their fitness reports....

I'm not now nor ever have been a smoker, and this offends the hell out of me.

Can We Just Have Paregoric Back, Please?

A federal government panel recommended banning Vicodin and Percocet pain medications, saying that the Acetominophen blended into each of them causes liver damage.

How about pure forms of oxycodone and hydrocodone, then? Or give us back paregoric, I remember pleasant experiences with paregoric as a child.

Geez, if the goverment had its way, our doctors would have to just look at us sternly and say "Walk it off, ya pussy."

Navy To Arm Ships With Remote-Controlled Chain Guns

And the guns will have a backup feature that allows them to be fired manually by sailors.

Here's a pic:

Mark 38 Mod 2 Chain Gun.


Contrary to what that title might first suggest, it is in fact a contraction of the the words Nigeria and Gazprom, according to this news story.

Lord knows I wouldn't think it was anything else...

*puts hands in pockets, saunters off, whistling "Dixie"*

Hmm, Best Pick Up More Ammo

And maybe some gasoline to make firebombs, if these things really are in the sewers over by Fayetteville:

Warning: Don't watch video if you are easily grossed out!

h/t Hot Air Headlines.