The Sound of the Mighty Pump Shotgun

Why, just the sound of it being operated three times caused two men to flee for their lives!

The sheriff's deputies were less than impressed, though:

Deputies arrested a High Springs man after they alleged he shot his own couch, threatened to kill his neighbors and pumped his shotgun in front of the deputies.

Ronnie M. Hammond, 59, was arrested early Tuesday by the Alachua County Sheriff's Office on two counts of aggravated assault with a deadly weapon.

In Hammond's arrest report, Deputy Matthew Yakubsin said the incident began when a 24-year-old sleepwalking neighbor walked to Hammond's home and asked him for help.

A witness said Hammond responded by going back into his home and retrieving a shotgun. The witness told deputies Hammond returned to the door, pumped the shotgun, pointed it at the sleepwalking man and threatened to kill him.

The victim's father walked up on the scene and told Hammond the sleepwalker was not doing anything but asking for help, the witness and the father told deputies. They also said that Hammond turned the gun on the father, threatened to kill him too and pumped the shotgun twice more.

The father helped his son flee from the property, the witness said, and Hammond walked up and down his property pumping his shotgun until deputies arrived.

Yakubsin said Hammond went back into his house when he spotted deputies, walked back outside once, then went back inside and fired one round from the gun into his couch. After that, Hammond surrendered to deputies.

Yakubsin said there were four rounds left in the chamber when deputies picked up the shotgun.

Ok, so he pumped it three times while the...um...threat was at his door. This either 1. proved the gun was empty, because no shells were ejected or loaded, or 2. made him look like an idiot ejecting two shells onto the ground. I'll guess it was #1.

Then he "walked up and down his property pumping his shotgun" until deputies arrived. We'll estimate he pumped it three more times, just to be on the conservative side. It's possible, of course, that he was pumping as furiously as a baboon at the zoo with an entire class of second graders watching, but we'll give him the benefit of the doubt. I'd think that the gun was still empty at this point, or he'd be leaving shells all over the yard.

Then the deputies arrived, and he went back inside, where he apparently loaded the shotgun. He came out, saw that the deputies were probably better armed than he was, and went back inside, looking for a less dangerous opponent. He found it in his couch, which he killed with a single blast, after which he surrendered.

Geez. All you can say about this guy is...what a maroon!