Wednesday, September 19, 2012

"Stick Control" Laws To Be Proposed In 3...2...1...

"Long Stick Is Robbery Weapon In Bronx."

Weapon of choice. Got to use that trademarked gun control language. And don't call it a long stick, call it an assault stick. It's even more dangerous if the robber drives a couple of cop-killer nails through the end of the assault stick. And maybe we just ought to regulate those nails, too. No one other than a licensed carpenter needs to be walking around with 10-penny nails.

Of course if we're going to have stick control we're going to have to change the Americans With Disabilities Act (ADA), which allows anyone to carry a short stick (cane) with no questions asked. Cane owners should have to be registered with a federal agency and prove their need for carrying a stick. In the states of Massachusetts and California, special cane laws will be written so that senior citizens who need canes will only be able to buy special canes made specifically for those states, and bringing in canes from other states will be a felony. Throw those gimpy geezers in prison!


Old NFO said...

It's coming... and what about those hiking 'sticks' they are at least FIVE feet long!!! :-)

russell.j.coller.jr said...

well, now you're just being ridiculous ! [you may come for my xylophone mallets, you may come for my twirling-team baton, BUT you will only pry my bakers' rolling-pin from my COLD DEAD HANDS.]