Arwa Likes It Rough

CNN foreign correspondent Arwa Damon gets a little wild when she's liquored up:

The State Department has now launched an investigation after one of CNN's foreign ​correspondents ​allegedly bit two medical workers​ ​during a drunken fit at the US Embassy​ in Baghdad​.

Senior international correspondent A​rwa Damon was said to be drunk and abusive to medics stationed on the grounds of the embassy.

Tracy Lamar and Charles Simons, EMTs working for a private contractor in Iraq, say Damon chomped into each of their left arms as they tried to help her.

Pic:

Just Call Her "Chompy."

Meanwhile, Down In Bartow County, Georgia...

...a drunk began shooting at a rodeo. When he ran out of ammo, he was lassoed by one of the cowboys and pummeled by the crowd.

Shit, they had a rope, all they had to do was throw it over the gate crossbeams and they'd have had themselves an old-fashioned summary hanging.

Pic of the pummelled inebriate:

Better check his immigration status while you have him in custody. Just sayin'.

Sowin' Those Wild Oats

In a pickup truck at a Waffle House parking lot, so drunk you mistook a cheeseburger for a sandal.

This article made it to the UK Daily Mail, probably the most popular paper in the UK. So this is how the Brits form their stereotypes of US citizens.

"Had Been Drinking With Her Husband and Friends..."

...when that evil AK-47 began firing all by itself and kilt her dead right there.

Never anyone responsible, just the gun attacking like a rabid dog.

I guess that in the pre-gun days the favorite excuse must have been oops it slipped out of my hand.

Things Drunkards Do

They throw your guest copies of The Charlotte Observer into the street to be soaked by the rain.

So, hotel guests, that is why you only have USA Today available this morning.

What Do You Do With a Drunken Sailor?

Bust him down to Seaman Recruit/three days bread and water, the brute!

PORT ORCHARD, Wash. — Authorities say a 31-year-old intoxicated sailor kicked in the door to a 70-year-old woman's home and told her to pray because he was to "blow her head off."

KOMO News reports hat active-duty sailor Matthew Clark was arrested early Friday after a neighbor called police because he heard yelling.

When officers arrived, they heard screaming from the residence and saw a man leave the house. Officers saw the woman's door kicked in and found her cowering in her bedroom.

Officers approached the man, who said he was doing a military exercise and had been drinking. He then started crying.

Yep, cry for your lost career. Dumbass.

Humorous Confederate History Detail

This one regarding General Nathan George "Shanks" Evans, (no relation, as far as I know) who distinguished himself at the Battle of First Manassas:

He was commissioned a colonel and commanded a small brigade at the First Battle of Bull Run, where he was the first Confederate field commander to perceive the Union intent to attack the Confederate left flank at dawn. His command went far toward saving the day for the South. During the thick of the fight, he was everywhere, closely followed by an aide carrying his "barrelito" (small barrel) of Evans' favorite whiskey on his back.

Pic:

That's a comical picture, certainly. I guess the aide must have had some sort of tin cup for the Colonel's use. I guess the Colonel would ride up to the aide, take the cup, and then have the aide turn around so that the Colonel could dispense the whiskey. Or perhaps the aide removed the "barrelito" from his back and dispensed the whiskey himself? Sounds Monty Python-esque.

Bicycle Next, I Guess

'Cause he done wrecked his liquorcycle:

A man was in critical condition after driving his moped while under the influence of alcohol and colliding with another vehicle in the intersection of Rocky River Road and WT Harris Boulevard in northeast Charlotte Saturday.

Witnesses told officers that around 7 p.m. the moped “all of a sudden appeared in front of traffic” in the intersection, Charlotte-Mecklenburg police said. Another vehicle struck the moped, and it’s driver was taken by helicopter to a local hospital, medic officials said.

DUI on a liquorcycle means he had his license to drive taken away already for the same offense. Maybe, if he lives, this will be enough to make him change his ways. But I doubt it.

And yet this is the sort of person who most needs our prayers, isn't it? Does the Lord mind much if your prayers for someone like this are sort of half-hearted? Is it hypocrisy to pray for someone you feel little empathy for?

Quote of the Day

"He's not a malicious monkey murderer."

Way Down Upon De Cape Fear Ribber...

Did you know that police in Wilmington, North Carolina, can arrest you for swimming in the Cape Fear River?

'struth!

That’s when Mercer ran onto the dock at the foot of Market Street, Smith said. As a New Hanover County deputy approached him, Mercer jumped into the river.

When he reached the other side he surrendered to officers in the marsh near the Battleship North Carolina.

“Mercer, lucky to be alive, was taken into custody without further incident,” Smith said in a release.

Mercer was booked on charges of obtain/attempt to obtain alcohol with a drivers license of another, obstructing police, consuming alcohol under 21 and swimming in the river.

Dumbass. He worked himself from a simple ticket to a night in jail.

Meanwhile, In Clay County, Florida...

...a man was pulled over by a Sheriff's Deputy for DUI, and was also discovered to be carrying a squirrel in his shirt, which the man complained was the cause of his erratic driving, because it was "eating" him.

Chewing his nipples, no doubt...

Turn In Yer Man-Card, Hershel

The actor who plays Hershel Greene on The Walking Dead was caught driving under the influence of alcohol by police.

A couple of strikes against actor Scott Wilson, who plays Hershel: he was driving a Chrysler PT Cruiser when he was caught; and, when asked to perform a sobriety test, offered to do a yoga pose instead.

I'd still like that infinite-ammo shotgun, though:

A Man Wrecking His Life

That would be country singer Randy Travis.

Apparently he's taken to drinking after his marriage of 19 years ended, and he's been arrested twice now in the last year, this time for DUI.

Here's a pic, with a grim-looking Travis sporting a shiner, either from his encounter with police or perhaps a bar fight:



No one around to catch him when he falls:



He could probably use a prayer or two right now, if you find the time.

Headline of the Day

"A man and his monkey pulled over in Florida."


LARGO, Fla. A Florida man is charged with felony drunken driving and wildlife violations after police discovered a small monkey in his truck.

Largo Police say Eugene Carl Kotelman was speeding when they stopped him Thursday. He was driving on a suspended license and had been previously charged numerous times with driving on a suspended license and DUI.

Right turn, Clyde:

But He Had Him a Real Good Time

If you wake up the next morning in your hotel room with your pants gone and your Jeep also, you may be a redneck senior citizen.

NUI

Also known as Nursing Under the Influence.

An apparently intoxicated woman broke into a stranger’s home in eastern South Dakota and tried to breast feed a two-month-old child.

The baby’s shocked mother was awoken by dogs and called 911 at around 5am on Sunday.

She told officers that a woman she didn't know had entered her Brookings home and attempted to feed her daughter.

Flashing Steel At the Pool Hall

Over in Asheville, NC, three men are dead and another is in critical condition after a bunch of rednecks went at each other with knives.

Looks like the old story of a belligerent drunk being kicked out of a bar and returning to get revenge on the people who offended him.

In this case the drunk had an extensive criminal record. Imagine that. At least two of the others named in the article have criminal records, too.

The story reads as if it would have been a legitimate case of self-defense for the two who killed the drunk, except that they chased him after he fled, caught him, and killed him. That's an act separate from the drunken brawl in the pool hall itself, and at that point the two men are acting as the aggressors and thus can't claim self-defense. I'm guessing that, given the circumstances, that the men will plead to a reduced charge, possibly of manslaughter, or even try to fight it in court and hope for a sympathetic jury. Since one of the principals had just seen his brother killed before his eyes that sympathy might just be forthcoming. I can't say that under those circumstances I would have acted differently. What say you, readers?

Not One For Sherlock Holmes

"Man accused of assault with bottle."

A Raleigh man is accused of assault with a wine bottle. Reginald Ray Bass, 36, of Raleigh faces charges of assault with a deadly weapon causing serious injury, assault with a deadly weapon and robbery with a dangerous weapon.

Bass is accused of assaulting someone with a broken Wild Irish Rose bottle and stealing beer from the victim.

The Dog Heard There Was Better Health Care In Cuba

Isn't that what Michael Moore says, that Cuban health care is superior that in the US?

ST. PETERSBURG, Fla. (AP) – A man kayaking in the Gulf of Mexico rescued an injured dog that was swimming offshore after fleeing when his owner was struck and killed by a car.

The bizarre and sad tale unfolded Saturday afternoon on Siesta Key, a bucolic island community about 40 miles south of St. Petersburg that boasts some of Florida's most beautiful white sand beaches.

I'd guess the dog ran into the water to try and ease its pain, and got caught in a current. Or perhaps it really was trying to get back to the Florida mainland. It's a tragic story, in any event.

She Thought It Was Ass-inine?

A drunken Colorado woman punched, scratched, rubbed her buttocks over and tried to urinate on a painting worth 30 million dollars.

The painting is by Clyfford Still and is called "1957-J no.2." It's in the abstract expressionist genre, so I can't tell by looking what is damage and what was done by the artist:



She might have simply said "That sucks and I don't think it's art," but I guess she felt a more concrete criticism was in order.