Saturday, July 13, 2013

Like a Bad Lone Ranger Joke

A man in Haifa, Israel, was sent to the hospital after a snake bit him on the penis while he was urinating.

The Lone Ranger joke I mentioned in the post title:

The Lone Ranger and Tonto were camped out in the desert. Late in the middle of the night the Lone Ranger went to relieve himself and was bitten on the penis by a rattlesnake hidden in the sagebrush. The Lone Ranger, in great pain, ran back to the campfire. "Wake up, Tonto!" he cried. Ride into town and bring the doctor, I'm dying!"

Tonto quickly mounted his horse and rode into town, and pounded on the doctor's door. The doctor's wife came to the door and told Tonto that the doctor was sitting up with a woman who was giving birth, and couldn't come to the Lone Ranger's aid. She went back to her husband to ask him for medical advice that Tonto could use to help the Lone Ranger. "Here's what my husband the doctor says to do, Tonto," she said, upon returning. "He says you have to tie a tourniquet around the bitten limb, then cut an X across each bitemark with a knife, then suck the poison out. Do you understand all that? Tourniquet, cut, suck." Tonto, frowning, said that he understood.

Tonto quickly rode back to camp, where the Lone Ranger was curled into a ball, in obvious agony. "Where's the doctor, Tonto?" he gasped. "Why isn't he here? What did he say?"

Tonto, still frowning, looked down at the Lone Ranger and his inflamed, purple penis. "Doctor busy with childbirth, Kemo Sabe," he said. Then he though to himself, Tourniquet. Cut. Suck. He looked at the Lone Ranger's purple, swollen penis. "Doctor say you gonna die, Kemo Sabe."

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