I guess they're not quite ripe yet?
A tractor-trailer arrived as I was leaving, it was full of Christmas trees.
Showing posts with label humor. Show all posts
Showing posts with label humor. Show all posts
Monday, November 20, 2017
Thanksgiving Shopping Is Done
Did my Thanksgiving shopping at the local Food Lion. While there I saw this advertisement:
I guess they're not quite ripe yet?
A tractor-trailer arrived as I was leaving, it was full of Christmas trees.
I guess they're not quite ripe yet?
A tractor-trailer arrived as I was leaving, it was full of Christmas trees.
Friday, September 12, 2014
Other Civil War Cars (WBTS, For You Unreconstruced Fellers, You Know Who You Are) ;)
Everyone is familiar with the General Lee, of course, since it was on TV. The General Lee was never the same after that race in Pennsylvania; tried its very best, but it was a Lost Cause from the very start.
There were other cars, though; I had one named the General Thomas J. Jackson; I was tooling around in it late one night, maybe a little bit too fast, and I reached over to grab a lemon to suck on, missed a curve and totaled it against a stone wall.
I had another car named the General James Ewell Brown (JEB) Stuart; loaned that one to my nephew one afternoon; "Don't be gone long," I said; he disappeared on some long-assed trip and didn't show up until way after I was supposed to be at work.
I briefly considered the General Joseph E. Johnston, but that one would only go in reverse...
Then there was the General Braxton Bragg that I owned briefly; that was one sorry-assed car, I cussed it on a regular basis. Hated that car.
Briefly owned a car named the General George Pickett; yes, it was a Charger...
Bought one named the General Edmund Kirby Smith; was pretty good at first, so I took it on a long road trip out west. When I crossed the Mississippi it quit on me, wouldn't start after that. Far as I know it's still over there.
The General Nathan Bedford Forrest I found in a barn, under a white sheet...
Had a car named the General George B. McLellan; ran that one in a drag race, it lost to a Lincoln.
While I was at the drag races I saw one named the General Ulysses S. Grant; wasn't much to look at, but it wouldn't quit. That one ran on alcohol.
I bought a car named the General William Tecumseh Sherman in Chattanooga; when I got to Atlanta the brakes failed and and the accelerator stuck, and I didn't get the damned thing under control until nearly Savannah. The Georgia Highway Patrol didn't much care for my excuses, either. That whole trip was something of a bummer.
The General John Bell Hood I pretty much ran to pieces, wasn't much left of it when I finally traded it.
If any of you can think of any more, let me know in comments.
©Robert G. Evans 12 September 2014, all rights reserved.
There were other cars, though; I had one named the General Thomas J. Jackson; I was tooling around in it late one night, maybe a little bit too fast, and I reached over to grab a lemon to suck on, missed a curve and totaled it against a stone wall.
I had another car named the General James Ewell Brown (JEB) Stuart; loaned that one to my nephew one afternoon; "Don't be gone long," I said; he disappeared on some long-assed trip and didn't show up until way after I was supposed to be at work.
I briefly considered the General Joseph E. Johnston, but that one would only go in reverse...
Then there was the General Braxton Bragg that I owned briefly; that was one sorry-assed car, I cussed it on a regular basis. Hated that car.
Briefly owned a car named the General George Pickett; yes, it was a Charger...
Bought one named the General Edmund Kirby Smith; was pretty good at first, so I took it on a long road trip out west. When I crossed the Mississippi it quit on me, wouldn't start after that. Far as I know it's still over there.
The General Nathan Bedford Forrest I found in a barn, under a white sheet...
Had a car named the General George B. McLellan; ran that one in a drag race, it lost to a Lincoln.
While I was at the drag races I saw one named the General Ulysses S. Grant; wasn't much to look at, but it wouldn't quit. That one ran on alcohol.
I bought a car named the General William Tecumseh Sherman in Chattanooga; when I got to Atlanta the brakes failed and and the accelerator stuck, and I didn't get the damned thing under control until nearly Savannah. The Georgia Highway Patrol didn't much care for my excuses, either. That whole trip was something of a bummer.
The General John Bell Hood I pretty much ran to pieces, wasn't much left of it when I finally traded it.
If any of you can think of any more, let me know in comments.
©Robert G. Evans 12 September 2014, all rights reserved.
Thursday, May 29, 2014
Quote of the Day
On moral dilemmas:
Suppose I am in love with Queen Guenevere, both because she is a total babe, and because Arthur is really too old for her anyway. Suppose I must decide between the delights of luscious and enthusiastic adultery with her on the one hand, and the treason against my liege lord, my sworn word, and all rules of friendship and fellowship on the other. And I am French.
Found here.
Suppose I am in love with Queen Guenevere, both because she is a total babe, and because Arthur is really too old for her anyway. Suppose I must decide between the delights of luscious and enthusiastic adultery with her on the one hand, and the treason against my liege lord, my sworn word, and all rules of friendship and fellowship on the other. And I am French.
Found here.
Sunday, April 21, 2013
Today's Facebook Humor
Via novelist Michael Z. Williamson.
The SEALs, LAPD, The FBI, and the CIA are all trying to prove that they are the best at apprehending criminals. The President decides to give them a test. He releases a rabbit into a forest and each of them has to catch it.
Click the link to read the whole hilarious thing, including comments.
The SEALs, LAPD, The FBI, and the CIA are all trying to prove that they are the best at apprehending criminals. The President decides to give them a test. He releases a rabbit into a forest and each of them has to catch it.
Click the link to read the whole hilarious thing, including comments.
Tuesday, January 01, 2013
Yer LOL of the Day
Charlie Sheen shows the way:
Yesterday, Charlie Sheen dropped a slur against gays at the opening of a bar in Cabo San Lucas; the opening was also attended by Los Angeles Mayor Antonio Villaraigosa, who was not too busy with his city’s massive budget deficit to party with the ex-Two and a Half Men star. Grabbing a mic, Sheen blasted away: “How we doing? … Lying bunch of f****t a**holes, how we doing?”
Now Sheen has tried to joke away the incident. Asked by TMZ about the slur, Sheen said, “I meant no ill will and intended to hurt no one and I apologize if I offended anyone. I meant to say maggot but I have a lisp.”
That could work in debates over race, too:
I meant to say "neighbor" but I have a lisp.
Yesterday, Charlie Sheen dropped a slur against gays at the opening of a bar in Cabo San Lucas; the opening was also attended by Los Angeles Mayor Antonio Villaraigosa, who was not too busy with his city’s massive budget deficit to party with the ex-Two and a Half Men star. Grabbing a mic, Sheen blasted away: “How we doing? … Lying bunch of f****t a**holes, how we doing?”
Now Sheen has tried to joke away the incident. Asked by TMZ about the slur, Sheen said, “I meant no ill will and intended to hurt no one and I apologize if I offended anyone. I meant to say maggot but I have a lisp.”
That could work in debates over race, too:
I meant to say "neighbor" but I have a lisp.
Monday, December 24, 2012
Saturday, December 22, 2012
Fun Facts About North Carolina
via IMAO.
Here's a sample. Click the link to read the entire list.
* North Carolina became the 12th state on November, 21st, 1789. Then, as now, it was the nation’s leading producer of tobacco products and is the only state in the US whose constitution includes a Surgeon General’s warning.
* The state song of North Carolina is a wet, hacking cough.
* The state motto of North Carolina is “Esse quam videri”, which is Latin for “arrogant basketball snobs”.
* At nearly 6700 feet, North Carolina’s Mount Mitchell is the highest peak east of the Mississippi and is rumored to be the hiding place of the notorious terrorist Bubba bin Laden.
* The Venus Flytrap is a carnivorous plant which is native to North Carolina. It will eat dead flies, spoiled hamburger, and most other things commonly found in the kitchen at McDonald’s.
* The Mile-High Swinging Bridge near Linville, North Carolina, is 5305 feet above sea level. It wasn’t originally designed to swing, but that’s Union labor for ya.
* Pepsi was invented in New Bern, North Carolina in 1898. The secret ingredient in the beverage is a closely-guarded secret, but here’s a hint: the beverage was originally called “Peesi”.
Here's a sample. Click the link to read the entire list.
* North Carolina became the 12th state on November, 21st, 1789. Then, as now, it was the nation’s leading producer of tobacco products and is the only state in the US whose constitution includes a Surgeon General’s warning.
* The state song of North Carolina is a wet, hacking cough.
* The state motto of North Carolina is “Esse quam videri”, which is Latin for “arrogant basketball snobs”.
* At nearly 6700 feet, North Carolina’s Mount Mitchell is the highest peak east of the Mississippi and is rumored to be the hiding place of the notorious terrorist Bubba bin Laden.
* The Venus Flytrap is a carnivorous plant which is native to North Carolina. It will eat dead flies, spoiled hamburger, and most other things commonly found in the kitchen at McDonald’s.
* The Mile-High Swinging Bridge near Linville, North Carolina, is 5305 feet above sea level. It wasn’t originally designed to swing, but that’s Union labor for ya.
* Pepsi was invented in New Bern, North Carolina in 1898. The secret ingredient in the beverage is a closely-guarded secret, but here’s a hint: the beverage was originally called “Peesi”.
Tuesday, December 18, 2012
Humor of the Day
Twenty years ago, Hasbro, a major American toy manufacturing company, tested a playhouse it hoped to market to both boys and girls. It soon emerged that girls and boys did not interact with the structure in the same way. The girls dressed the dolls, kissed them, and played house. The boys catapulted the toy baby carriage from the roof. A Hasbro manager came up with a novel explanation: "Boys and girls are different."
Found at Amy Alkon's place.
Found at Amy Alkon's place.
Friday, October 19, 2012
Mitt Romney's Al Smith Dinner Appearance
Mr. Stiff was funny as hell. And not inclined to pull punches, which indicates to me how frustrated he's been over the course of the campaign. His comments on the media are priceless:
h/t Michael Graham.
h/t Michael Graham.
Sunday, October 07, 2012
For You Older Readers...
...whose memories stretch back to the 60's and 70's, Time-Warner has announced that 50 full episodes of The Carol Burnett Show, along with numerous extras, are now available as a DVD boxed set.
That show would have been just a run-of-the-mill variety show were it not, frankly, for the presence of two people: Harvey Korman, who could not keep a straight face when he found something funny, and Tim Conway, the man who was the most skilled at making Harvey Korman (and, very often, the rest of the cast) break into uncontrollable laughter. This propensity of Conway's is best exemplified by his "elephant story," in which he breaks up Carol, Vicki Lawrence, Dick Van Dyke (and himself) before being topped by Vicki Lawrence in a brilliant riposte:
When you see the modern internet term "ROFL" (Rolling On Floor Laughing), this is a perfect example of what is meant.
That show would have been just a run-of-the-mill variety show were it not, frankly, for the presence of two people: Harvey Korman, who could not keep a straight face when he found something funny, and Tim Conway, the man who was the most skilled at making Harvey Korman (and, very often, the rest of the cast) break into uncontrollable laughter. This propensity of Conway's is best exemplified by his "elephant story," in which he breaks up Carol, Vicki Lawrence, Dick Van Dyke (and himself) before being topped by Vicki Lawrence in a brilliant riposte:
When you see the modern internet term "ROFL" (Rolling On Floor Laughing), this is a perfect example of what is meant.
Tuesday, September 18, 2012
The Crowds All Think He's Dandy
A rodeo clown in California has lost his job after making a racially insensitive comment about First Lady Michelle Obama.
And you want to hear the joke, right? I'm nothing if not obliging:
The joke, as told by Hayhurst, went like this: Playboy is offering Ann Romney $250,000 to pose in the magazine, and the White House is upset about it because National Geographic only offered Michelle Obama $50 to pose for them.
We'll send this old hit from 1975 out to Mr. Hayhurst:
And you want to hear the joke, right? I'm nothing if not obliging:
The joke, as told by Hayhurst, went like this: Playboy is offering Ann Romney $250,000 to pose in the magazine, and the White House is upset about it because National Geographic only offered Michelle Obama $50 to pose for them.
We'll send this old hit from 1975 out to Mr. Hayhurst:
Thursday, September 06, 2012
DNC Tickler
Over at The Anchoress.
Yesterday, the DNC had to pretend it had a 2/3 vote to assert that Jerusalem is the capital of Israel and for the inclusion of the phrase, “God-given gifts” into their national platform, because three attempts to vote couldn’t bring it. Whether it was the “God” language or the “Jerusalem” language they resisted more is hard to say. But the nays seem to have it it.
And then, of course, the mob boo’ed, jeered and hissed.
Later, Bill Clinton came out and did what Bill Clinton does better than almost anyone.
This morning, appeared on my Facebook wall the cleverest remark about it all:
“So, after they denied God three times, the cock crowed; what next?”
LOL.
Yesterday, the DNC had to pretend it had a 2/3 vote to assert that Jerusalem is the capital of Israel and for the inclusion of the phrase, “God-given gifts” into their national platform, because three attempts to vote couldn’t bring it. Whether it was the “God” language or the “Jerusalem” language they resisted more is hard to say. But the nays seem to have it it.
And then, of course, the mob boo’ed, jeered and hissed.
Later, Bill Clinton came out and did what Bill Clinton does better than almost anyone.
This morning, appeared on my Facebook wall the cleverest remark about it all:
“So, after they denied God three times, the cock crowed; what next?”
LOL.
Friday, February 10, 2012
Joke of the Day
via the UK Telegraph:
"I had a car crash the other day. A dwarf got out the other car and said, 'I'm not happy'. To which I replied, 'Which one are you then?"
It won in a reader's poll over there. I LOL'd for real.
"I had a car crash the other day. A dwarf got out the other car and said, 'I'm not happy'. To which I replied, 'Which one are you then?"
It won in a reader's poll over there. I LOL'd for real.
Thursday, January 19, 2012
Well Put!
Found this on OK Cupid:
A Quick Bible Lesson...in the Bible, Ruth patiently waited for her mate Boaz. While waiting on MY Boaz, I won't settle for ANY of his relatives: Brokeaz, Poaz, Lyinaz, Cheatinaz, Dumbaz, Downlowaz, Cheapaz, Lockedupaz, Goodfornothinaz, Lazyaz or Marriedaz! And especially his third cousin Beatinyoaz. I will wait on my Boaz & make sure he respects Myaz!
(found on a white girl's profile, but reads like it originally came from a black girl's profile.)
A Quick Bible Lesson...in the Bible, Ruth patiently waited for her mate Boaz. While waiting on MY Boaz, I won't settle for ANY of his relatives: Brokeaz, Poaz, Lyinaz, Cheatinaz, Dumbaz, Downlowaz, Cheapaz, Lockedupaz, Goodfornothinaz, Lazyaz or Marriedaz! And especially his third cousin Beatinyoaz. I will wait on my Boaz & make sure he respects Myaz!
(found on a white girl's profile, but reads like it originally came from a black girl's profile.)
Wednesday, January 11, 2012
Monday, November 21, 2011
Friday, July 08, 2011
Wednesday, June 29, 2011
Monday, May 16, 2011
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