Yer EVOO Ain't Very V

Or, to put it in terms that a normal human being rather than a Food Network groupie can understand, your imported extra-virgin olive oil probably doesn't meet the standards required for an olive oil to be labeled "extra virgin."

These Food Network groupies are as much into virgins as your typical suicide bomber. Me? I'm like Jeff Dunham's pal Walter; if I was a suicide bomber, I wouldn't want 72 virgins when I died, I'd want 72 slutty broads who know what the hell they're doing!