Be lucky you're not like the man from League City, Texas, who fell down a manhole, was bitten by spiders and snakes and, after that misadventure, was attacked by his girlfriend, who went upside his head with a baseball bat.
I guess the GF is something of a cougar, since she is 51 and he is 26. Or maybe he's just such a mope that she was all he could get in the way of GF's.
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